Humor and the Chicken

I was told before I went to Africa that the African people process information a little differently than we do. They are much more linear than spatial in their thinking. This information was very helpful for teaching purposes. However, I never thought about this in the context of humor. It was very hard to joke and kid with them because to them nothing along these lines made sense.
Not wanting to leave this alone I tried some of our simple humor. At a break at the seminary I asked them why the chicken crossed the road. One of the students said something in Songo and Theodore interpreted. His answer was that the chicken wasn't well bred. We all laughed. That is a much better punch line than the one we American's use. From now on that is how I will tell the joke.
Yesterday Jasonsent me some chicken crossing the road answers. I've included them for your enjoyment.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: You betcha he crossed the road, but let's not talk about that, let's talk about energy policy, and how gosh darn hard it is for a middle-class hockey mom to manage the budget of the only state in America with a massive surplus, especially while surrounded by countless Russian and Canadian chickens we have to keep an eye on.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken...What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain... alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

You Take The Test

The class I taught had six students. Remember, we did an overview of the entire Old Testament. Quite a feat when you consider that these were first year seminary students, the language barrier and the time we had to do it. I am including the last exam I gave to them. See how you would score. There are 44 possible points.

EXAM
1. Write out all of the Prophetical books beginning with Isaiah.
2. What two books in the historical section relate to the building of the temple and the wall around Jerusalem after the exile?
3. What are the six categories of Psalms discussed in class?
4. How do you approach the narrative writings and the Poetical writings? Why is this important?
5. What is the one word description for Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon?
6. How many Major Prophets are there? What are they?
7. How many Minor Prophets are there?
8. In what period of time were Daniel and Ezekiel written?
9. How long was the period of silence?
10. List one prophetical book and give the theme for that book.

Something of Interest

 
I thought this picture might be of interest to you in the U.S. If I asked you to guess what it was hanging on the electrical lines you can probably tell that these are cans. But why? Well, those cans are full of rocks so that if someone tries to steal the lines the people in the community will hear it and stop them. These lines are stolen, not to sell, but to enable the thief to have his own electricity. I forget what the actual percentage is but in Bangui, a city of 800,000, less than 20% have electrical or running water. So I guess these lines would be very tempting. I couldn't help but think of people stealing copper lines to sell here at home.

This is My Temporary Home

This is the mission headquarters which was home for two weeks. One of the features of my new home was a mosquito net. It is really not as bad as it may sound. It tucks in around the mattress and is sheer material so once the light is out you don't even know it is there. However, you just can't bound out of bed without opening up an exit. Best I can figure, the little critters didn't bite me, at least at night.

Eager Students

 
On the first day I arrived at the mission station in Africa I was invited to join the English class that takes place every week. This week the African students moved from station to station where 6 English speaking people were located. It was the Africans responsibility to engage us in conversation. They did a very good job.

Somebody Call the Locksmith

While I am here in Africa I have been informed that my second son, Ryan, has changed the locks at our home and has formed a coup. I guess when I get home I will be out on the street. Trust me, after being in Africa, I think I could fair pretty well. For more information on this coup by my son go to lalomagrace.com and to the download tab. Click on the sermons tab and listen to last Sunday's message. My family must think that I can't carry on my responsibilities as a dad even when I am in Africa. Caught you! Love Dad

Another Sunday, & the homeward stretch

I just got home from preaching two services this morning in the first church established in Bangui. There were approx 1000 in the first service which was French and started at 7:00, and 500 in the Songo service that started around 9:00. Electricity here goes out everyday at some point or another. It went out as soon as church started and I am sure they went and started up a generator. (Last night, I no sooner got in bed and the fan went off. I was very sweaty.)

Well, I am going to go and change my clothes as they are soaking wet. Then I will eat and probably start on my school stuff. It is a fairly pleasant day here. I am still soaked through but it is nothing like last week. This church today also had ceiling fans and an oscillating fan on the platform.

I don’t have any concrete plans this afternoon. I know sometime I need to try and grade the exam, the best I can, and also prepare a little bit for the Prophets tomorrow. Jason (the pastor from Ohio here with me) will be doing the devotions tomorrow at the school and then teach the Poetical books focusing on Psalms. I will start the Prophets in the afternoon and then finish on Tuesday.

Wednesday we are going to the orphanage that missionary Barb Wooler is working with. Following the orphanage visit we will go into the city and do a little shopping. Thursday we check in at the airport in the morning, and then spend the day waiting for our departure that evening. After this morning I feel I am on the homeward road. I really am done with the draining part of this trip. Please understand though that I wouldn’t have changed anything.

Better today, and some down time

I got up today and started teaching at 7:30 am. We finished at 10:30 and are now waiting to go to Bali Falls. It’s supposed to be impressive. I need this break and feel like it is now the weekend, if you know what I mean. I will preach tomorrow but be off in the afternoon. And, I am back to feeling fairly normal. I did have a day and a half or so of feeling under the weather, but now feel like I am stabilizing. As far as I know, the rest of the way is American food here at the mission. I just finished a lunch of their kind of salad and beef over rice. I can handle that. Our driver, Sengue (sang gay) and Theodore (the interpreter) ate lunch with us. Now we are off to the Falls.

By the way, I haven’t heard if Prop 2 in California passed or failed. On that subject, on our way to the Falls, we might stop by a lake where you can buy a live chicken, tie it to a string and throw it in the lake to tease the crocodile. Eventually, the chicken becomes the croc's lunch. That wouldn’t fly where I'm from. Neither would the electricity here. I was at one place where they had two wires coming out of the wall, no junction box, and a lamp socket connected to it. The lamp leaned against the wall, and lit up the room. However we did have light.

I guess it had to happen...

Well I guess it had to happen at least once. I woke this morning from a very fitful sleep. Last night when I decided I probably didn’t need Tylenol PM I guess I was wrong. Anyway, I preached this morning on John 21: love me and feed my sheep. I led them in the song, “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus” in their language, Songo. It went well. After I spoke we had to leave to get in another class. I gave them their first exam. Also, while they were taking the exam I worked with Theodore to evaluate their papers.

I began to teach at around 10:00 and about 10:45 I began to feel hot around the collar and very weak. It was all I could do to finish the last 45 min. When we left I asked them to take me back to the residence instead of going to an African home for lunch. Thankfully, the illness was short lived. I came home, had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, drank a coke, took an Advil and slept for an hour. I got up and went back to the closing ceremonies of the conference.

I still felt a little funny, but I did come home and then went on to the basketball game. It was more like a college game but it was fun to watch. Man, could those guys jump!

Curious kids

Bangui is a busy place. There are lots of people everywhere. Most families are large and so there are many kids around, too. Around the churches we are entering, I have been friendly with and waved to kids along the street. It's not uncommon for them to rush over and before long there could easily be 100 kids gathered around. Curious, I guess.

Tomorrow night should be fun. I have the opportunity to go to an African basketball game!

What's a day like?

Between the conference, teaching at the seminary, and meals out, I'm finding there is little time to do correspondence. There have also been internet issues. Today I went to an internet cafe to catch up and lost a bunch of stuff I was composing. Communication frustration. We are in bed by 9 pm because we are up and running by 7 am, and then the day is full. Generally we return to the mission house around 8 pm.

Movin' through the OT

I have completed my second message and my interpreter, Theodore, told me I have now passed two tests.

Class was encouraging yesterday. While preparing for the students first exam we essentially walked/talked our way through Ruth. Today I will highlight a few more things and then we will be able to get to Samuel through Chronicles. Jason will teach the poetry section on Monday morning. I will teach in the afternoon and Tuesday, and then we are done. I pray and hope this time has been profitable for the Africans we have been serving. This trip has been one of the most awesome experiences of my life.

Perspective, distances and numbers

1,250 km = approximately 800 miles. That is the distance one pastor traveled to get to this conference. Half of that distance he rode a bicycle; the other half he rode a bus. Humbling.

450 pastors have come to this conference. This is about 150 more in attendance than all the people who came to last year's Grace Brethren national conference in Florida. God has done a huge work in Africa which began with faithful men and women who obeyed the call to "go."

Pastor's conference and a meal

I just got back to the mission. This was my first day to speak to the pastors. I spoke a little over 40 minutes but that was with the interpreter. His name is Theodore, a very nice man, and he does an excellent job. He is married and has eight children.

Today we went to one of the member's house for lunch. During the conference we will be going out into homes of the members. They are "putting on the dog" (not meant to be literal) for us, and we appreciate their generosity and hospitality. I did eat goat (thought of my pet goat, Dakota, at home), and I had stomach and its lining, liver, and unfortunately I missed the kidney. It wasn't bad. We also had fish, salad, gozo (something I could do without), and some spinach dish with goat mixed in.

It's a great thing that there is Coca Kola here. That is a treat. I will probably have sugar diabetes before I come home. When it's hot, I like Coke. However, I've probably had more water in the week we have been here than I have had in all the rest of the year. Jason and I are just a couple of guys that can't take this constant heat.

Amazing Sunday

Today was one of the most amazing days of my life. I went to one of the African churches to speak in their Sango speaking service. You see, I don’t know French but I am very fluent in Sango! Really, my interpreter was the Presidente of the ministerium here in Africa. He is the one who sent me the original e-mail inviting me to come. He is a kind gentleman and has a lot more responsibilities than I do. He travels to all their districts, and even though Africa is about the size of Texas, his travels are extensive and, you ought to see the roads.

The service was wonderful. We waited outside for the French service to end. At some point they said let’s go in and I dutifully followed. The church was almost full when we went in so I am not sure when the French left and the others came in. Now, if you think the worship wars are a problem in the states I should bring home their“worship band.” It consisted of two rhythm guitars, a bass guitar, a synthesizer and a drum. They could play some of the best mamba music you’ve ever heard. And sing, these believers put us Americans to shame. They clearly love to lift their voices in praise. They had a youth choir of about 30-35 and their volume was more than the combined volume of people in my church.

During the middle of the service they took the offering. They had several bags and they would lift them up and the people connected to that bag would come and give their offering. As they came they were almost in a dance. I think I saw for the first time what it meant to give joyfully to the Lord. There was a bag for pastors and I followed Mboi and we left the pulpit area and went toward our bag. He began to mambo a bit so I joined in. I even did a bit of boogey boogey and the church broke out in laughter. I think it was the brief moon walk that really got them going. I told Mboi if I did that at home I might get fired. He laughed.

Before we went down to take the offering I asked how much money was generally given every week. He said that last week the offering for this church was 8,000 franks. That is the equivalent of about $16.00. Mind you, this is a church of 300 people. That is how poor they are. So I put 4,000 francs in the offering and another 2,000 in an offering they collected to help the sick folks of their church. Me, one person, gave this church 12 bucks and it was almost the equivalent of a whole week’s offering. I am sure you know I am not bragging as I tell you this.

The very first song these believers were singing when we arrived at the service was, “I am so glad that Jesus loves me.” Before I preached I ask the musicians to play that song again and I sang the chorus for them. They followed with the verse and then we all sang the chorus, each in our own tongue. What a treat for this white skinned pastor.

My text was Luke 15 and I explained to them that Jesus loves sinners as illustrated by the lost sheep, the lost coin and the lost son. I have to leave it up to the Lord whether or not it was effective for them and their needs. I pray it was.

After the service I had a small dinner at the pastor’s home. It was a very humble dwelling place but they were very hospitable. Our menu consisted of rice, some beef in broth and gozo which is made from the root of the manioc and a vegetable looking dish that was made from the leaf of the manioc. It wasn’t bad. Thank God for beef broth though. I think it saved me from some tastes I may not have cared for. If you think we are over here suffering through unusual meals, until now our meals have consisted of pizza, chili soup, granola at breakfast, sandwiches at lunch, soup and similar items. As I write this I am looking across the room at a large jar of some pretty good chocolate chip cookies. The only negative so far is that if we want milk we pour some water on the powder and they try and convince us that we are drinking milk!

Now for the finale. I had to speak with a sport coat on. When I was done I was absolutely drenched. The bills in my wallet were wet, my shirt was like I had just gotten out of a swimming pool, and my tie was so wet I couldn’t loosen it at the knot because the material wouldn’t budge against the other wet material. I will have to go the dry cleaners when I return. I got to the missionary residence, showered, put on shorts and am now on the computer.

I pray your Sunday went as well as mine did and more importantly, that it was a meaningful one.

Lastly, the service was at least two hours. I can’t wait to get home for the next Sunday service at La Loma Grace.

Paris, and into Africa

On Wednesday we spent the day in Paris, or at least what was left of the day. I arrived around noon and Jason and Eddie met me at the airport. Jason and I headed out of the airport on the Metro. We had a forty minute ride to downtown Paris. We headed toward Rob and Nicole’s (missionaries to France) apartment. At one point we were within one block of their house and were told that we had gone the wrong way. So we went back the other way until the street ended that was to lead us to their house. We asked directions again and we were told to head the other way. We went right back to where we had just come from and finally found their house.

After meeting the Plasters and having lunch with them we headed off for a quick tour of Paris. We went to Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and the Arch de Triumph. We stopped for a meal at a Crepe restaurant. Imagine that, a Crepe place in France. When finished with dinner we headed back to the airport.

Our plane was supposed to leave at 10:50 and didn’t actually leave until around midnight. We arrived in Bangui at 6:30 in the morning. It was a very interesting place. The airport could handle a major jet while at the same time was very primitive. The building where we were required to present our health cards, our passports and visas, pick up our luggage and go through customs was no larger than the Modesto airport which is very small. The room was to handle all the details of 200 plus people. We waited for over an hour just for our luggage. There was no air conditioning, the place was crowded, and let’s just say, that a ton of deodorant would have been nice.

Before we came I asked an individual if Bangui was civilized. I was told that was a politically incorrect way to form my question. I figured out later the correct way was to ask if it was at all a modern city. I was told – absolutely. Unfortunately, I think my informant still did not understand me. So far, there is nothing modern about this city. Yes, we do have water and electricity. However, the electricity usually goes out daily. In other parts of this country they do not have electricity or running water. Electricity and water don’t make a city modern to me. The streets are full of ruts. Most streets are unpaved. The houses are made mostly of adobe and thatch. The people are obviously poor and just hang around all day long. Clearly, this is a third world country and city.

We mainly hung around all day and took some necessary naps to get our sleep cycle to normal for this time zone. After having dinner with a team that was down here to see the orphanage, I went to bed around 10:30 after I had done a little studying.

Leaving California

Well, the time has come. After finally going to bed last night, or should I say in the early morning, I didn’t have much to do this morning. Jane and I left around 11:00 am after saying good bye to my children, my mom and Jane’s parents. Ryan brought home a pound of Starbucks coffee for me to take to Africa so of course Jane and I had to stop at Starbucks so they could grind that for me. I couldn’t just go in there and ask them to grind my coffee without buying something. That would have been rude. And, I may never see another one until I return. (Really, I am not an addict!)

Our trip to San Francisco was flawless. It has been difficult for Jane to talk since she has had a serious head cold and sore throat but we had some much needed and desired conversation. It seems like amidst all the preparations for this trip and the normal things of life we haven’t had much quiet time together. However, quality time like that doesn’t make you want to get on a plane and be gone for 18 days.
At the airport the word flawless would not describe the experience at the check in counter. We got there in plenty of time and the man ahead of us had to take out a lot of his suitcases to make them pass the weight limit. I hear the attendant say something about 47 and I thought she was talking in pounds. We were told that our suitcases could not weigh more that 50 lbs. That is true, but 50 lbs is 23 kilograms. His two totaled 47 so he was over the limit.

So, I put the first suitcase on the scale and it was 22 kgs. Perfect. The second one was 21.5. Phew, the large luggage passed. Then, the attendant wanted to weigh my carry on. The combination of my small carry on and my back pack could not be over 12 kg. My carry on alone was 12.8. My back pack was 9 something. So, extra costs. I had no choice though because I needed everything I had. So we had to unload the back pack and the carry on and put a few more pounds in one of the big bags. We took out a lot. The carry on was still 14+ kg. So out went more. And then more. I finally got rid of everything in the back pack and got the carry on down to 13.4 kgs. The attendant said, “A kilogram won’t hurt anything.” Oh yeah, I was now carrying my windbreaker and a folder so we could meet the limit. I suppose in the scheme of things that is minor.

Jane and I had lunch and then I had to say good bye. In about 15 minutes from now I will be getting on the plane. By the time you read this I will have already been in Paris since I won’t be able to upload this until I get there.

I will talk to you soon.

First Road I Will Travel

This is the road well traveled for me. It takes me out of my drive way everyday. Tomorrow it will take me to the Freeway that will lead to San Francisco and its International Airport. I will depart tomorrow afternoon (Tues) around 4:30 pm arriving in Paris at 11:30 am. It will actually be 3:00 am my time. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep . . . Are you kidding and miss Paris!

This is What I Call Home

The One I will REALLY Miss!

 

La Loma Grace Brethren

 

 

This has been my permanent place of ministry for over thirty years. I am thankful for the increasing opportunities I'm being given to minister in other places.

The Children I Leave Behind (for two weeks!)

Ouch! What did you say?

I am sure you understand where the ouch comes from. A few years ago I went to Kyrgyzstan so I am a bit familiar with the shot routine. However, the CAR is in the black zone in Africa. The black zone is the way Kaiser Permanente rates a country and its danger levels of disease. Black is the worse. Go figure! So, I think that means I have had eight shots and a prescription to take with me for malaria. I am covered for flu, pneumonia, yellow fever, typhoid fever, polio, hepatitis, mumps, measles, tooth decay, poor eyesight, back aches. Sorry, I get a bit carried away. Everything after hepatitis I made up.

The “What did you say?” came from the e-mail informing me that I would be bringing over my food. You know, one suitcase for clothing and another for food. Not usually how I travel. After thinking about it I thought this was pretty cool. That would mean no crickets, or snakes, or bugs for dinner. Someone asked me yesterday if that would be offensive to the Africans. In a typical American response I said, “Who cares! It beat eating bugs!” Even so, that conversation did not end and a rather provocative discussion ensued. I think people were trying to gross me out. I reminded them I have eaten sheep eyes, horse, sheep lungs with fermented milk, etc. Trust me though, I will NOT make any of those things a part of my regular diet!

Getting back to my list of food. I learned some things. Did you know that you can buy bacon that doesn’t need to be refrigerated? That’s right. It is pre-cooked and once you open the box, then you are to refrigerate it. Can’t eating swine not cared for properly mess you up. I called Kaiser to see if they had a shot for that! There was another item on the list; 4lbs of cheddar cheese. Once again, doesn’t this stuff need refrigerating? So I asked. The answer is that you buy the cheese and keep it in the refrigerator until right before you leave. Then you take it and pack it into a shirt or towel and put it into your suitcase. Did you know that it is cold in the luggage department of the airplane? I didn’t either, but that is supposed to take care of the cheese. You know what, those crickets are sounding better and better all the time. At least they will be fresh. It would be funny though if they have crickets in a can that are made in some other country and shipped to the CAR. The rest of the list did look fairly normal.

What's In an e-Mail?

A few months ago I received an e-mail from asking me to accept an invitation to come and represent the Association of Grace Brethren Ministers in Africa at their 50th anniversary of beginning their own ministerium. Wow! I was honored or course, but this would also be a major undertaking at several levels. I would be representing the FGBC pastors in America, speaking to our brother pastors in the Central African Republic, going to a place I have never been and being a part of helping to shape the future in the African church.

Dear pastor

I send you my warmest greetings from CAR in the precious name of our Lord Jesus-Christ. I am Pastor Andre Mboi, the Executive Secretary of the Union of Churches here in CAR. We will have our national Conference of the pastors in November 2008 here in Bangui. I invite you to attend that conference. You will be one of the speakers in that conference. Please, let me know your thought and I will send you the official invitation that will allow you to get visa.
Thank you very much for your disposal to say "yes" to this invitation. God bless you.
Your coworker in the Gospel,
Pastor Andre Mboi

Not long after that invitation Dave Guiles, head of Grace Brethren International Missions, called me and encouraged me to go. Additionally, he asked if I would consider staying an extra week and teaching a class in the seminary at Bangui. Wow again. I was getting very excited about all this but there were still some obstacles.

The first obstacle we usually think of is the cost. At our national conference the AGBM Board of Directors agreed that this is something I should do and that our association should support it financially. An estimate figure of the cost was given to me and the AGBM moved to accept that amount. Oops, did I say estimated. Yes I did. The amount of this trip went over the estimate by more than $500. Well guess what, I have received some unsolicited gifts from people at La Loma Grace and the $500 has been covered as well. And if that isn’t enough, God has provided extra money to be used at my discretion in support of this trip.

Once the decision was made to go and the funding taken care of the obstacles I have encountered have been few. And, all of them have been dealt with. One of the obstacles I didn’t think of was the language barrier. I received an e-mail giving me a dead line for my syllabus on Old Testament survey. Guess what, it was needed so they could translate it in into French. Duh! That also means that my half hour lesson will be cut in half because as my friend says, “You are going to have an interrupter.” Interrupter is French for interpreter!

Well now I am well on my way.

Just Beginning

As of today I have begun a blog. I will begin to add to this on a regular basis. This will enable you to keep track with my journey between now and November 14th. This has been an exciting "ride" so far and I hope you can share some of this trip with me through this blog.